What next?!

It's 2:00 a.m. and I just dug a piece of cantaloupe out from under the table in the kitchen.  Why?  Because DUNCAN decided it was a great toy!  I woke up around 1:30 with this cough that has been bothering me off and on all week, grabbed a can of diet Coke and came in the living room to wait for the Mucinex to kick in.  I kept hearing strange noises in the kitchen but figured it was just Duncan emptying out my towel drawer AGAIN.  Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and went to the kitchen to make him stop and imagine my surprise to see the refrigerator door open!!!!!! I KNOW I closed it!  But my enterprising little clown figured out how to open it, scooped a piece of melon out of the bowl on the bottom shelf -- I know, I know, I SHOULD have put a lid on the bowl! -- and then batted it under the table!  HOW THE HELL DOES HE DO THESE THINGS?!  WHY does he do these things?!  It's not like he doesn't have hundreds of toys all over the house!  Evidently all the mice, catnip toys, bottle caps and cat trees aren't enough!  No!  Now he has to play with food, too?!  Maybe I should contact Jackson Galaxy for help with My Cat From Hell! 

Tomorrow I plan on picking up a dowel to put through the drawer handles to keep him out of them but now I'm going to have to find some way to lock the fridge, too!  What on earth will this little knucklehead get into next?!